Giving up resistance.
In conversation with someone this week they said losing weight was a simple formula. “Eat less, move more.” Maybe for some. But not for those who carry emotional weight, it isn’t lost by eating less.
My life long struggle with weight (and my body) began at the age of nine years old. I was an average sized kid. Maybe a little bigger than the shorter, smaller boned girls, but I was nowhere close to being overweight or having a struggle with food.
This one day I followed my model for self-hate into an office building. Nervous, unsure, and no idea where I was being taken. Signs on the wall said “hypnosis”. Feeling confused, a creepy old man led us into a small office. There were two green, puffy recliners on the left facing a huge blank white wall. It was a narrow, tight room – like a walk in closet. At least it felt that way.
I walked by him to my designated recliner. As I passed by him I had no idea what to do with the creepy energy I felt from him. He looked me up and down and said to this spunky pig-tailed girl “she’d be cute if she lost a few pounds.”
Bam. There it was. It’s like this automatic processing system his words went through in my mind. Through my heart. Through my soul. Out the other side came “there is something wrong with you”.
This began the cycle of a buried belief I wanted no one to ever find out about me. I stuffed it down with food. I tried to release it through fad diets (including pills with who-knows-what in them), starvation, and extreme exercise. Binge eating, drinking, dieting, and exercise was my cycle. All to numb that painful belief. Something is wrong with me. My cycle of survival worked. I’d lose weight. But, I’d soon find it again. Sometimes I’d find more weight than I lost.
It was an emotional and physical roller coaster I was on for the many years that followed that one day. The damage to my body wasn’t to the depths of what it did to my emotional well-being. On the journey to finally releasing and keeping off 100 pounds it was healing the emotions, that buried belief, and giving space to the feelings I’d stuffed for so long. That is what sustained the release of all that weight. Not because I ate less or exercised more.
So, I know, I really know losing weight is not a simple formula. It’s quite complicated with a painful buried belief about yourself. It’s complicated when you’ve learned food is a source of comfort. It’s complicated when you don’t have a model for self-love or self-acceptance.
In these few days I’ve spent in LA I’ve been really observant of the level of self-acceptance of my physical being. My body isn't perfect. It holds scars of my weight loss and weight gain journey. But, it certainly feels much lighter on my emotional well being. I accept exactly where I am right now and grateful to be healthier than I’ve ever been – on all levels. In 33 years, I’ve come a long way, baby.
Here's my formula - Radical Self-Love + Radical Self-Acceptance = happiness, health, and a bad ass beautiful life.
Love is...Letting of Who No Longer Serves You.Letting go of relationships - friendships and family - that don't support you and who you want to be is tough.
You hang on because you've worked hard to build the relationship, but always feel drained when you're with that person.
You don't let go because you're "supposed" to be connected to family, but you're not yourself when you're around them.
Each time I've had the courage to let go of a relationship in my life that didn't feel good for me my life opened up and changed for the better. I've lost weight, opportunities popped up, my business grew...
What are you holding onto that is holding you back?
What you are desiring is just beyond what you're holding onto. Let go and it will appear.
Fall is one of my favorite Seasons and Pumpkin is absolutely one of my favorite flavors. I love it in coffee, cupcakes, (anything!) and I just found this smoothie recipe that is decadent. Pumpkin is full of great vitamins and this recipe is low in sugar. Enjoy!
Pumpkin Spice Smoothie
1/2 banana (as bananas start to brown I peel them and throw them in the freezer for recipes like this)
1/3 cup of pumpkin puree
1 cup of unsweetened vanilla almond milk
1/2 tsp of pure vanilla extract
a few shakes of pumpkin spice seasoning
4-5 ice cubes
Blend until smooth and drink slowly (so hard to not drink the whole thing in one sip!)
A good, happy life is about having balance.
I've never done well with deprivation - tell me I can't do or have something and that is exactly what I'll do/go after! I'm especially referring to food. When I was a yo-yo dieter and had to deprive myself, whatever I took out was all I could think about. It could drive a person insane!
Now I've changed my relationship with food and how I feel about it and my view of it. I enjoy it. I no longer consider any food "bad". If I've taken anything out of my "diet" that's bad, it's guilt. I no longer beat myself up for any food I eat. Really, how enjoyable is anything if followed up with a dose of guilt and remorse? And imagine what those feelings do to the digestion process!
I'm not a food natzi, but I ensure I have good balance in my food choices. Smoothies are simple, delicious, nutritious, and easy to clean up after!
I'm often asked what I put in my smoothies. One of my favorites is the Cilantro Smoothie (recipe on the blog). I've asked my friends to share their favorites - here's what they shared:
Free radicals are everywhere - in the water we drink, food we eat, and in the air we breathe. Free radicals cause aging and disease. The main defense to free radicals (coming from pollution, x-rays, radiation, chemicals, heavy metals) are antioxidants.
Cilantro leaves are rich in calcium, iron, carotenes, and vitamin C, which happen to be great antioxidants. Cilantro has been effectively used to help remove heavy metals and toxins from the body. Reuters reports that cilantro contains a chemical which has been found to kill the Salmonella bacteria that cause foodborne illness.
The heavy metal detox capabilities of cilantro should also make it of great use in the treatment of depression, Alzheimer's disease, lack of concentration and other related disorders. In other words, this herb can apparently help to keep you happy, focused, and sane!
Here's a recipe I really enjoy:
Marilyn Monroe - greatest sex symbol of all time.
I spent many years crash dieting - starving myself, fad diets, and yes even diet pills (eeks!). I was a roller coaster dieter - gaining back even more weight after each stint of losing weight. Such damage to my body, mind, and emotions.
When I dealt with the underlying emotions and pain I was suffering from the weight nearly dropped off and I've since sustained a 100 pound weight loss.
So, sure I may have been thinner at certain points, but I was far from healthy!
Things are different now. My relationship with food and with my body has changed - how I look at it and how I feel about it. I have much more appreciation for this temporary vessel that allows me to move about and enjoy the pleasures of life.
Energy - that is what people really see. How you feel about you and how you feel inside shines through. I've met the most beautiful, confident women who are above the national average (Marilyn Monroe was size 14).
If you're struggling with weight and not feeling good about how you look begin by paying attention to what you say to yourself, how you look at your body and how you treat it. When you're ready to make a change, start small - overwhelming yourself only sets you up to quit or fail.
We're all energy. Your body will respond to how you feel about it and the words you choose. Choose an affirmation or a loving mantra that you can really allow in. Something like "I love and accept all parts of me", "I accept myself completely as I am", "I love and respect my body". Your body will respond to love much more positively than to hate. You're changing subconscious thought patterns - those that may have been running for a while. Find something you can really take in and repeat it several times through the day - especially when you catch yourself being mean to you.
After all, no one can love you more than you love yourself. Confidence is sexy. Now, go get your sexy on!
This week I encourage you to really pay attention to how you talk to and treat yourself. Really be aware of the words you speak to yourself and the thoughts that run through your mind.
I often see others get really down and tough on themselves (I'm also in recovery) when things don't go as planned, don't do as well as they wanted to, don't get the results they expected, or if they make some kind of mistake. It comes out as negative self-talk, judgements, punishing thoughts, or "should" statements.
May sound something like:
Treat yourself like you would treat another who needed compassion because they fell off track or made a mistake. Be your own best friend. Look at the situation from a different view, a different set of eyes - through eyes of Love and compassion.
- I'm so stupid
- I should have _
- I'm such a __
- I'll never __
Just notice how that makes you feel. Notice if things start going smoother for you. Notice if those around you start treating you differently. When you have compassion for yourself, you naturally have it for others...
Bonus! Look in the mirror every day and tell yourself 3 things you love, like, and appreciate about yourself. The could be outter (your smile, hair, your organization skills) or inner (your kindness, your thoughtfulness, your smarts).
Then really pay attention to what starts to shift around and within you!
How often do you put yourself down for not being where you're supposed to be in your life, career, relationship, physical body, finances?
How does thinking that way feel? Is it uplifting and inspiring? Or depressing and heavy? Depression is caused from focusing on the past and anxiety is caused from looking too far into the future. Be here now.
What if you just stopped judging yourself? What if you could just accept exactly where you are in your life? Not forever, but for right now.
You can't (well, sometimes you can) create immediate change. But, you can change your thinking and in turn that will change how you feel. From there positive change can happen! Trying to create change while feeding negative energy is like using a ladder while trying to get out of quick sand.
So, rather than judge and focus on what you don't like or what isn't going the way you desire, be present and:
Some shifts are tougher than others. Be patient with yourself. Begin by releasing judgement and you'll feel more at peace from not energizing the negative energy of judgement.
- Focus on the lesson - "What am I meant to learn about from this?"
- Discover what is great about where you are. Ask "What is great about this?"
- Create a next step - "What action can I take to move me toward my desire?"
Judging yourself about where you are in dating? Download these tips and discover simple ways to shift the subtle energy saboteurs. Not only will what you experience in dating shift, but in other areas of your life too!
I wanted to let you know today about a Health and Wellness site that will allow you to download 100’s of self help gifts. And the best part is that it is absolutely FREE!
If you’ve had enough of plodding along year after year and you want to improve yourself and your health to make this your BEST ever year, then you need to go here: http://healthywealthywisegifts2.com/go/761
The 2nd annual Healthy, Wealthy & Wise Gifts will be open only for a VERY LIMITED TIME from June 14th to July 5th, 2012. When you go there you’ll find a multitude of products – all FREE – provided by Health, Fitness, Wellness and Prosperity experts from all over the world. Here is just a small sample of what you will find:
* Ultimate Life 21 Day Challenge - Ginny Dye
* Extreme Health Resolution Secrets - Vint Atkinson
* Your Income And Your Health - Tom Corson-Knowles
* Quantum Soul Clearing Small Book of Quotes - Michelle Manning-Kogler
* The Self Confidence Report - Drifa Ulfarsdottir
* Vision Board Master Class - Pamela Moss
* Starved, Stressed and STILL not losing weight? 7 Steps to Eliminate Dieting from Your Life FOREVER - Lianda Ludwig
* Use Your Breath to Free Your Life - Maggie Ostara
* Affirmations For a Wealthy Mindset Audio - Elaine Lockard
* Allow Abundance Gratitude Meditation - Wendy Betterini
* 20 Mistakes to Avoid in the Gym - Earl Netwal
* And TONS (OVER 400+) MORE!
Get all of these and 100’s more here!
The organizers of the event are Stephanie Mulac, Carolyn Hansen and Special Guest Host Alvin Huang.
Stephanie started this style of event in 2006. It’s in the form of a “Giveaway” which is sort of like a giant electronic trade fair where 100’s of experts offer their products free to the public.
Because it has become so popular, this year Stephanie has once again enlisted the services of Carolyn Hansen, renowned fitness professional, and new this year, Personal Development Expert, Special Guest Host Alvin Huang.
You only have to walk into any book store in any country to see how popular the subjects of health, fitness and wellness are. It’s a multi-billion dollar industry churning out hundreds of new books, audios, CD’s and other paraphernalia every year.
These can be very expensive but here you can pick this information up completely FREE.
With the year almost half over, what better time is there than right NOW to set yourself and your business up for future success? This event is a life-changing experience for those who take it.
Come and join Stephanie, Carolyn, Alvin and me and see for yourself.
If you want to grab the largest collection of health, wellness and self-help products you’ll find ANYWHERE – all FREE – then click here NOW and claim your bounty!
For those of you who know me, met me, or have been in the community for some time can sense how passionate I am about life, see how guininely happy I am, and how big my energy is.
What you might not know is I was once 100 pounds overweight, depressed, in a job I hated, and had little to no energy. There was no zest, no passion. I was just getting by. No wonder I was single!
It was when a very good friend said to me "you have to love yourself first"
and I baulked at her "I DO love myself!".
There is always some truth in what people say. It takes courage to look within, but I had no other choice! I was not happy being settled in my life.
I began taking a deeper look at what she saw in me. I didn't get it right away - I had regular manicures, massages, bubble baths, and had plenty of "me" time. Those are part of self-love and self-care, but what I was really
lacking was a relationship with me, a deeper connection to myself.
When I got really honest and looked at my life I saw the relationship I had with myself was reflected back to by those I attracted into my life - strangers, lovers, friends. They treated me how I treated myself! And it wasn't pretty!
You teach people how to treat you by how you treat you. And not just the
"outter" stuff, but the inner stuff too.
I was angry, frustrated, and sad. I spent a lot of time and energy (and
tears) trying to change how others treated me. If they would only respect
me, honor my time, listen to me, (fill in blank here) then I would be happy and get along better with them! Ha!
Wrong! If you want to change your experience take a look at what those
you interact show you about you. We tend to point the finger at the other
person, but it's really a mirror back for us to see what we can't see within
I got brave and asked "how am I treating me?" Not so good.
I had to change! Me. Not anyone else. When I developed a deep respect for myself, honored my time by who I spent it with and what I did with it, and listened to myself and gave me what I needed, created healthy boundaries, let go of friendships and relationships that weren't respectful, that is when my life and relationships changed. Everything - my health, romantic partners, friendships, pportunities, and money changed for the better.
I attracted better guys into my life, amazing friends, teachers, and mentors. Opportunities in my personal and professional life appeared. The places I felt stuck I was no longer stuck.
Life feels really magical to me now. Sure, there are the challenging times
that many of us are going through in this time of growth and expansion. It wasn't from looking outside of me for things to change... it was I who had to be the person I wanted to be surrounded by in my life.
How can you improve your relationship with you?