Learn to accept and embrace all parts of you.
Don’t you just hate that about them? That 'thing' they do. The way they behave? The annoying traits...
A friend called for guidance. She’s in one of the best relationships of her life – he just might be her future husband. It’s been a beautiful journey for me to witness.
She didn’t like what she was seeing in herself. Her behaviors, how she was feeling. She’s noticing how she is acting out in this relationship the ways her exes had with her in past relationships. Men would act out in jealousy, insecurity, and fear. She couldn’t stand seeing this in them. It kept her from ever really committing to being with any of them.
Now, she is doing these exact things. She asked me why. Why is she doing the very exact things she hated when her exes did it? How is that possible?
What you see in another is a reflection of you. The things you love about another and the things you can’t stand in another you have within you.
What she was seeing in these past relationships were parts of her that she was dismissing. Her jealousy, her insecurity, and her fear. The only way you can see qualities within yourselves is reflections back from another. She wasn’t ready to see it for herself then. She is ready now.
That is what relationships do. They teach you about you. They bring out in you what you can’t bring out on your own. The most challenging relationships have the biggest lessons and opportunities for learning.
She has an opportunity now. A choice. She can continue to try and dismiss these qualities in herself – and probably sabotage the relationship. Or she can observe herself and learn to accept and integrate these parts of her. She is choosing love. She is choosing to accept these parts of her.
Wonderful. But, I encouraged her to go deeper. What is below the behaviors? She says - Fear. Fear of him messing up and kicking him to the curb. Go deeper I say.
It’s never about the other person. Ever.
What is it about you? You. Not him or what he’ll do. You. Ah, she realizes. It’s her fear of having to start all over with someone new. Maybe. Maybe not. Go deeper.
It’s the fear of being alone. There it is.
I do know a couple of things. Where you put your attention, it grows. The more fear you feed of him messing up, the likelihood it will happen.
Keep your focus within. It is the only place real change can occur.
The other thing I know is if this were to end, there is no going back. The man after this one would only be better, aligned with who she is. Because she is growing and expanding and loving herself more.
You’ll attract love at the level in which you love yourself.
So, what you see in another – love it up. Accept it, embrace it, and observe what you’re being shown. As you accept and embrace what you’ve dismissed in another, it inadvertently uplevels your acceptance and love for yourself. And this can only expand out into all experiences and relationships in your life.
What level is your love vibration?
Well, energy. What does energy have to do with Love?
Everything!A friend recently asked me "Do you have an opinion on age difference in dating?" My response? "Love knows no age or number." When it comes to Love it's not about anything outside of you. It is within. It is your energy. It is where your heart is ready and aligned to interact with next. It is what you're ready for. It is about what is for your highest and best good.
Your highest and best good looks like....Probably not anything you would imagine. This person whom you attract into your life is precisely who you're meant to dance with now. They may be older, younger, not in the profession you thought your partner would be in, have tattoos, have a dog (you don't like dogs), yadda yadda yadda.How will you know?You'll know by how you feel when you're with this person. Are you excited? Intrigued? Do you feel heard? Is there a common exchange of interest between you both? Is there a chemistry, an attraction? It's not always about the physical attraction either - again, energy.
What does energy have to do with Love?Everything. Energy is nervousness and excitement. Both normal feelings when meeting someone new. But, don't let that hold you back from moving forward. Love is energy. Fear is energy. Energy will also keep you from attracting who you really desire for yourself. Fear and Love.
Fear and love cannot coexist. When it comes to attracting love and relationship, if you have past pains from previous relationships still in your heart that will prevent you from opening up to another in a healthy way. You might find yourself reaching out for another relationship to heal your broken heart, but chances are that won't last. If you have buried beliefs about Love ("all the good ones are taken", "I'll get hurt again") you'll experience exactly what you believe.Love is not anything outside of you.It is about what is within. Heal your heart. Heal your past pains. Transform your buried beliefs. Align your energy with your hearts desire. Sounds more difficult than it really is, but OH, so worth having what your heart and Soul truly desire.
#1 relationship is the one between You and You!
Treat Yourself as You Wish to Be Treated
You attract to you what your energy gives out.
You teach people how to treat you by how you treat yourself.
How do you treat yourself?
- Are you always the last on your own list?
- How do you talk to yourself? What does that inner voice say to you?
- Does somehow the goals you have for yourself fall to the wayside?
- Do you abuse yourself with overworking, overeating or 'over' anything that makes you feel bad?
When you don’t make yourself a priority, no one else will. No one can see you as more of a priority or more important than you see yourself. They see what comes from you. They treat you how you treat you. Would you want to attract someone into your life who treated you disrespectfully, didn’t make you a priority, or didn’t have time for you?
Is self care and self love being selfish? No.
Here’s how to shift what you're attracting:
- Show yourself love, compassion, and understanding (for wherever you are right now). Uber self acceptance is where it all begins.
- Give yourself time. Make time to do things you enjoy - writing, yoga, painting, sifting through books at a bookstore, sip coffee or tea at a shop.
- Give yourself what you’re reaching out for another to give you - Love, caring, understanding.
- Honor the commitments you have to yourself. Do you want more exercise, more relaxation time, a vacation, get that office organized, regular time with family and friends? Do it.
Begin treating yourself how you want to be treated and you'll see Love expanding in your life. Don't settle for less than what you desire - "The One" is out there waiting for you!"You accept the love you believe you deserve."
Want to know what will knock your energy out of alignment with attracting the one?
Settling for less than you really desire and going on dates with just anyone to get out of the house or for a free drink or free meal. No judgment here – I’ve done it and learned from it!
You want to know how to prepare for "the one"? It is NOT going out with just anyone! Intention trumps action.
I’m all about exploring and seeing if there is chemistry but, if they have qualities on your “no way” list or you’re simply not feeling it then don’t waste your time or theirs!
How you behave and treat others is or will be mirrored back at you - in the dating process or in another area of your life (some call it Karma or law of attraction).
If you're spending your time and energy with someone you know isn't what you desire, you're sending the message to the Universe that this is 'good enough', aligns you with this energy, and prevents what is really meant for you to find its way to you.
I know being alone can feel terrible at times (physically and emotionally!), but it's in the times you spend alone where you can heal from your past and prepare yourself to become the person you want to be with!
If you’re finding it difficult to be alone with yourself, how can you expect to attract someone into that same space and energy?
Sabrina experienced a HUGE change in who she was attracting.
“Since connecting with you and putting your guidance into practical use I have taken on an entirely different approach to dating and it has yielded AMAZING results! Things are looking up. Each time the date gets better!”
Work on you. Become your own best company. Tap into your creative, playful side. Do the things you’ve wanted to do. A woman with a life outside her work creates a fire within and a life full of passion and excitement. When you’re full within, you have so much more to share with another. And that in itself is attractive to others.
"No one can deny you or grant you anything. It all comes to you by virtue of your vibration." ~ Abraham
Do you have internal blocks to love?
Are you focused so much on what you don’t want that it’s exactly what you’re attracting – what you don’t want? You’ve had your share of bad dates and bad relationships you don’t want to repeat those again, but somehow you’re in that cycle of attracting the same type or none at all! Expand Your Mind to Who Your Ideal Partner Is Maybe your list of must have’s is too inflexible. They can't have tattoos, their hair has to be dark, short/long, they need own a home, be a millionaire, must love cats, can’t be a vegetarian... What really matters to you?
Yes, of course you want to be physically attracted to each other, have chemistry, and have common interests, but could you be allowing the person who possesses the traits that really matter to you in a relationship to pass you by? Be really clear with yourself on what really matters and what you really want. I highly encourage you to be open to what it might look like - a lot of times the rigid list of qualities is your hearts way of keeping itself closed off and protected.
It really comes down to how you feel and what your heart tells you. Get out, mingle, and practice some flirting! Notice what you find attractive in strangers and acquaintances you cross paths with throughout your day. Then take a look at your list of 'must have's' and see if you could allow some of them to fall by the wayside knowing what you really desire may come in a package you least expected?
Are you ready?
Create a list of the 5 most important qualities that matter most to you. Need help? Look at what you don’t want and write the opposite. Continue to notice what you find attractive and desirable in a mate.
When you create that energy within you it becomes a magnet and attracts that similar vibration to you. Would you like to be part of the Love Mastermind group? Want to get uber clear about what you want and how you want to feel? We're doing just that and supporting you in clearing what is in your way to attracting LOVE! More information here. “Be the love you wish to attract.”
How do you feel when you see a happy couple? What goes through your mind and body when you see them holding hands, running errands together, sharing PDA, or doing the stuff together that you’re doing alone?
- get angry or jealous (or both)?
- make fun of them, mumble something to yourself or friend or unconsciously have a negative feeling about what you're observing?
- get a pit in your stomach; does your chest tighten up?
- feel sad to see happy couples when you’re single?
How your body feels and how you react to seeing something you want is a huge clue and indication of how you really feel about love and relationships.
If you have any of those reactions:
· you might be unconsciously holding onto past pains,
· have deeper fears of getting hurt,
· have a buried belief that you can’t have what they have
All causing your heart to be unknowingly closed down to love.
When I first introduced Fia-Lynn into my love coaching program she was obsessive about finding love, had pains from her past holding her back, and attracting men who were similar to her past relationships. She was ready to change what she was experiencing!
After going through my coaching program, she says:
"My Entire Life is in the Vibration of Love!" Before working with you and your program I felt a neediness around love and had a very hard time being alone. And I couldn't attract the type of guy that I really wanted to be with. Dating was a very frustrating and exhausting experience filled with a lot of disappointment. I no longer feel lonely and needy around love, I feel love ALL of the time, no matter who's around or even if I am alone. And I am amazed at who I've attracted into my life!” She is now living with her boyfriend / Twin Flame!
If you’re feeling this way, what can you do?
Have appreciation for the things you see and want, but don’t yet have. Your energetic vibration tells the Universe you like it and this is what I want!
Thoughts and feelings are energy- what you think about and how you feel aligns with similar energy and attracts that. The good news is if you’re seeing happy couples it means you're that much closer to it. But how you feel about it will indicate what is in your way to having it. Pay attention to your feelings and reactions, they are a HUGE clue to identifying what is in your way from having it for yourself.
If what you’re feeling is not in alignment with what you really want to feel and experience; create an inner shift. Act as if what you see is also yours.
It’s all about your inner energy!
Do you feel any of this?
Your inner child is having a temper tantrum.
- You're easily angered.
- You feel overwhelmed.
- You can't stick to your exercise routine... or start one.
- You crave sugar and junk food... yet, want to lose weight.
- You have a ton to do, but don't have the energy to do anything.
- You just want to sleep and watch TV.
- You're ditching and avoiding responsibility.
- You're self-sabotaging and can't stop.
- You're emotional and don't know why
We all have an inner child. That is the part of us who is fun, playful, emotional, free-spirited, creative, non-judgmental, and makes friends easily.
But, when she is not getting the love and attention she needs, she throws a temper tantrum and that impacts you and your life.
If any of the above rang true for you I bet you do have a ton on your plate - work, kids, home, finances - and they're all stressing you out. Not enough time and too much to do.
When is the last time you gave yourself a break?
A break doesn't have to be 10 days in the Caribbean (although that would be nice). It could be as simple as a few minutes in the morning before you jump out of bed to check in with yourself (and your inner child). Check in, see how you're feeling, see what you want to do for the day, and see what you need.
Are you are always rushing through the day, checking things off the 'to do' list, running from place to place, always worrying about a problem to solve, or creating new business ideas? Your mind and body need a break.
Give yourself a break.
Sit and eat a meal vs grab and go or standing at the counter. Get to bed 10 minutes early. Stretch for five minutes before you jump out of bed. Grab a journal and write your thoughts out to release them from rolling around in your mind. What do you do for yourself that makes you feel good?Self-care is not an indulgence. It's a necessity. The lack of self-care puts your inner child in a tantrum. When you dismiss her (your needs and desires) she doesn't feel like a priority. She doesn't feel cared for. She doesn't feel loved. And what usually happens is you (she) starts looking outside herself to have these needs met.
You can't get from another what you aren't willing to give yourself.
Do this for yourself (and your inner child). Give yourself time. Give yourself attention. Take a coffee break, make time to work out, sit down for a meal with a friend, go play, have fun, don't take yourself so seriously. When your inner child is able to feel safe, loved, and cared for she no longer has to steal energy from you by halting your world.
Consider the small amount of time you take to check in with her preventative medicine. Ultimately, you'll be giving yourself what the deepest parts of you desires. The benefit? More energy, more joy, you'll feel loved and cared for. When you're able to give and accept that from yourself, you'll attract others who treat you the same way.
Love. You want it, yet you don't admit you want it. Like there is something "bad" about wanting to share your life with someone. Perhaps intentions for that love or relationship might be off and therefore you keep attracting the same types or no one at all. But, there is nothing wrong with you wanting Love!
I'll say it again - there is nothing wrong, bad, or shameful about having a desire for Love, partnership, or your Soul mate.
Allow yourself your own desires.
When you do you just might see other desires in your life (money, health, opportunities) appear. You cannot withhold desires in one area of your life without others being affected.
Be clear in what you want.
Be bold and go beyond what you've ever desired before.
Play with it.
Put it on a vision board.
Act as if.
I’ll admit it… I was spying on my neighbor. I believe I was meant to be a witness of this true expression of love I’m about to share with you.
A little backround on my neighbor – he is in his 80’s and been a widow about 5+ years. He is the sweetest, most gentle, kind man! His daughter lives 2 houses from me. I keep an eye on him, she watches my cat, I take care of odds and ends for both of them. Our neighborhood is cool like that.
My neighbor gentleman is a huge fan of bingo – doesn’t miss a session! His daughter shared stories of all the ladies trying to “woo” him with kindness and baked goods (he is quite a catch!). About a year ago a lady friend moved in with him. She’s a bit younger than him, but love knows no age.
So, last night I’m in my front yard and notice my neighbor pull in. I observe their slow, precise movement toward the front door. She led them to the front door, opened the screen and he reached top open the lock. While lingering behind there was a pause – he held the door for her wanting her to enter first. Her glance and bright smile said more than words could ever say. I saw the love in her eyes. I saw she felt taken care of, honored, cherished.
True Love. Respect. Appreciation. Honor.
What really matters?
Money comes and goes. We all get old and our looks change. What will matter to you when you’re 80? Can this person be your friend through it all? Will you feel taken care of – in all ways? Is this someone you feel you can be happy spending quiet times on the couch with – having nothing to say, but just being in their presence?
Talking to my friend (who has been married 42 years now) said what has really helped her live a happy life is her husband is her best friend.
So, think about that as you’re on your search for love and partnership – is this person someone you’d consider your best friend. Think of your best friend… what qualities in them keep you besties? Seek that out in a partner. Some of the best relationships I know of began as friends…
I wish you to find precisely what your heart desires and settle for nothing less!
Marilyn Monroe - greatest sex symbol of all time.
I spent many years crash dieting - starving myself, fad diets, and yes even diet pills (eeks!). I was a roller coaster dieter - gaining back even more weight after each stint of losing weight. Such damage to my body, mind, and emotions.
When I dealt with the underlying emotions and pain I was suffering from the weight nearly dropped off and I've since sustained a 100 pound weight loss.
So, sure I may have been thinner at certain points, but I was far from healthy!
Things are different now. My relationship with food and with my body has changed - how I look at it and how I feel about it. I have much more appreciation for this temporary vessel that allows me to move about and enjoy the pleasures of life.
Energy - that is what people really see. How you feel about you and how you feel inside shines through. I've met the most beautiful, confident women who are above the national average (Marilyn Monroe was size 14).
If you're struggling with weight and not feeling good about how you look begin by paying attention to what you say to yourself, how you look at your body and how you treat it. When you're ready to make a change, start small - overwhelming yourself only sets you up to quit or fail.
We're all energy. Your body will respond to how you feel about it and the words you choose. Choose an affirmation or a loving mantra that you can really allow in. Something like "I love and accept all parts of me", "I accept myself completely as I am", "I love and respect my body". Your body will respond to love much more positively than to hate. You're changing subconscious thought patterns - those that may have been running for a while. Find something you can really take in and repeat it several times through the day - especially when you catch yourself being mean to you.
After all, no one can love you more than you love yourself. Confidence is sexy. Now, go get your sexy on!