The swings helped me back into my body
A lot has shifted and transpired for me in just a few short months. The last year and a half has been one of the most transforming in my life - about that another time.I know I'm not alone. You've experienced it, right? Are you questioning your life purpose, your relationships, your career? Clients, friends, and others I see are going through huge transitions and change. Not a simple path, but surely well worth the commitment. A commitment to letting go what no longer serves you. Years ago these changes, shifts, and upheavals would have torn me down for a long while. Depressed, binge eating/drinking, fighting with those around me, sabotaging myself. I hung on to what I knew, what felt safe, and afraid of what I'd be losing. It's different now - and much less heartache and struggle. It's been my search for truth and understanding of the process of life (self-help junkie that I am) and what we're here for that has helped me stay afloat. I have many healing processes and techniques in my tool belt and now I move through these huge changes much more quickly (thankfully). It's what I'm here to do personally and professionally...I invite you to open your mind to a shift in perception. A shift in seeing pain, anguish, change (being fired, a break up, leaving a home, etc.) in a different way. BTW - all three of those things happened to me in the last 4 months. It's all part of my co-creation to align with where I'm being led. All good.
Before your descent into your physical body, the light you truly are chose the path, the lessons, and the soul growth you are experiencing. Tweet thisEverything you co-create and choose from there. You have free will. The basis of your learning and purpose here remains. The people in your life agreed to participate in the expansion of you. And you agreed to do the same for them.Perhaps you chose the lesson of:
The beauty of this process is as you heal your own barriers, it up-levels the entire energy field of others. The tough work you do is not in vain.
- Abandonment so you could learn you're never alone.
- Loss to guide you to opening your heart.
- Shame so you could learn unconditional love for yourself.
You are important.
What you desires is yours to have.
You deserve all the good your heart knows is possible.
I invite you to shift your perception in seeing that everything is unfolding for your highest and best good. Always.I'd love to hear your thoughts... leave a comment below or come on over to my Facebook page. Are you experiencing huge change? What helps you through the transformation? Do you know what you're holding onto? What are you afraid of if you were to let go?
Giving up resistance.
In conversation with someone this week they said losing weight was a simple formula. “Eat less, move more.” Maybe for some. But not for those who carry emotional weight, it isn’t lost by eating less.
My life long struggle with weight (and my body) began at the age of nine years old. I was an average sized kid. Maybe a little bigger than the shorter, smaller boned girls, but I was nowhere close to being overweight or having a struggle with food.
This one day I followed my model for self-hate into an office building. Nervous, unsure, and no idea where I was being taken. Signs on the wall said “hypnosis”. Feeling confused, a creepy old man led us into a small office. There were two green, puffy recliners on the left facing a huge blank white wall. It was a narrow, tight room – like a walk in closet. At least it felt that way.
I walked by him to my designated recliner. As I passed by him I had no idea what to do with the creepy energy I felt from him. He looked me up and down and said to this spunky pig-tailed girl “she’d be cute if she lost a few pounds.”
Bam. There it was. It’s like this automatic processing system his words went through in my mind. Through my heart. Through my soul. Out the other side came “there is something wrong with you”.
This began the cycle of a buried belief I wanted no one to ever find out about me. I stuffed it down with food. I tried to release it through fad diets (including pills with who-knows-what in them), starvation, and extreme exercise. Binge eating, drinking, dieting, and exercise was my cycle. All to numb that painful belief. Something is wrong with me. My cycle of survival worked. I’d lose weight. But, I’d soon find it again. Sometimes I’d find more weight than I lost.
It was an emotional and physical roller coaster I was on for the many years that followed that one day. The damage to my body wasn’t to the depths of what it did to my emotional well-being. On the journey to finally releasing and keeping off 100 pounds it was healing the emotions, that buried belief, and giving space to the feelings I’d stuffed for so long. That is what sustained the release of all that weight. Not because I ate less or exercised more.
So, I know, I really know losing weight is not a simple formula. It’s quite complicated with a painful buried belief about yourself. It’s complicated when you’ve learned food is a source of comfort. It’s complicated when you don’t have a model for self-love or self-acceptance.
In these few days I’ve spent in LA I’ve been really observant of the level of self-acceptance of my physical being. My body isn't perfect. It holds scars of my weight loss and weight gain journey. But, it certainly feels much lighter on my emotional well being. I accept exactly where I am right now and grateful to be healthier than I’ve ever been – on all levels. In 33 years, I’ve come a long way, baby.
Here's my formula - Radical Self-Love + Radical Self-Acceptance = happiness, health, and a bad ass beautiful life.
Learn to accept and embrace all parts of you.
Don’t you just hate that about them? That 'thing' they do. The way they behave? The annoying traits...
A friend called for guidance. She’s in one of the best relationships of her life – he just might be her future husband. It’s been a beautiful journey for me to witness.
She didn’t like what she was seeing in herself. Her behaviors, how she was feeling. She’s noticing how she is acting out in this relationship the ways her exes had with her in past relationships. Men would act out in jealousy, insecurity, and fear. She couldn’t stand seeing this in them. It kept her from ever really committing to being with any of them.
Now, she is doing these exact things. She asked me why. Why is she doing the very exact things she hated when her exes did it? How is that possible?
What you see in another is a reflection of you. The things you love about another and the things you can’t stand in another you have within you.
What she was seeing in these past relationships were parts of her that she was dismissing. Her jealousy, her insecurity, and her fear. The only way you can see qualities within yourselves is reflections back from another. She wasn’t ready to see it for herself then. She is ready now.
That is what relationships do. They teach you about you. They bring out in you what you can’t bring out on your own. The most challenging relationships have the biggest lessons and opportunities for learning.
She has an opportunity now. A choice. She can continue to try and dismiss these qualities in herself – and probably sabotage the relationship. Or she can observe herself and learn to accept and integrate these parts of her. She is choosing love. She is choosing to accept these parts of her.
Wonderful. But, I encouraged her to go deeper. What is below the behaviors? She says - Fear. Fear of him messing up and kicking him to the curb. Go deeper I say.
It’s never about the other person. Ever.
What is it about you? You. Not him or what he’ll do. You. Ah, she realizes. It’s her fear of having to start all over with someone new. Maybe. Maybe not. Go deeper.
It’s the fear of being alone. There it is.
I do know a couple of things. Where you put your attention, it grows. The more fear you feed of him messing up, the likelihood it will happen.
Keep your focus within. It is the only place real change can occur.
The other thing I know is if this were to end, there is no going back. The man after this one would only be better, aligned with who she is. Because she is growing and expanding and loving herself more.
You’ll attract love at the level in which you love yourself.
So, what you see in another – love it up. Accept it, embrace it, and observe what you’re being shown. As you accept and embrace what you’ve dismissed in another, it inadvertently uplevels your acceptance and love for yourself. And this can only expand out into all experiences and relationships in your life.
What level is your love vibration?
Well, energy. What does energy have to do with Love?
Everything!A friend recently asked me "Do you have an opinion on age difference in dating?" My response? "Love knows no age or number." When it comes to Love it's not about anything outside of you. It is within. It is your energy. It is where your heart is ready and aligned to interact with next. It is what you're ready for. It is about what is for your highest and best good.
Your highest and best good looks like....Probably not anything you would imagine. This person whom you attract into your life is precisely who you're meant to dance with now. They may be older, younger, not in the profession you thought your partner would be in, have tattoos, have a dog (you don't like dogs), yadda yadda yadda.How will you know?You'll know by how you feel when you're with this person. Are you excited? Intrigued? Do you feel heard? Is there a common exchange of interest between you both? Is there a chemistry, an attraction? It's not always about the physical attraction either - again, energy.
What does energy have to do with Love?Everything. Energy is nervousness and excitement. Both normal feelings when meeting someone new. But, don't let that hold you back from moving forward. Love is energy. Fear is energy. Energy will also keep you from attracting who you really desire for yourself. Fear and Love.
Fear and love cannot coexist. When it comes to attracting love and relationship, if you have past pains from previous relationships still in your heart that will prevent you from opening up to another in a healthy way. You might find yourself reaching out for another relationship to heal your broken heart, but chances are that won't last. If you have buried beliefs about Love ("all the good ones are taken", "I'll get hurt again") you'll experience exactly what you believe.Love is not anything outside of you.It is about what is within. Heal your heart. Heal your past pains. Transform your buried beliefs. Align your energy with your hearts desire. Sounds more difficult than it really is, but OH, so worth having what your heart and Soul truly desire.
#1 relationship is the one between You and You!
Treat Yourself as You Wish to Be Treated
You attract to you what your energy gives out.
You teach people how to treat you by how you treat yourself.
How do you treat yourself?
- Are you always the last on your own list?
- How do you talk to yourself? What does that inner voice say to you?
- Does somehow the goals you have for yourself fall to the wayside?
- Do you abuse yourself with overworking, overeating or 'over' anything that makes you feel bad?
When you don’t make yourself a priority, no one else will. No one can see you as more of a priority or more important than you see yourself. They see what comes from you. They treat you how you treat you. Would you want to attract someone into your life who treated you disrespectfully, didn’t make you a priority, or didn’t have time for you?
Is self care and self love being selfish? No.
Here’s how to shift what you're attracting:
- Show yourself love, compassion, and understanding (for wherever you are right now). Uber self acceptance is where it all begins.
- Give yourself time. Make time to do things you enjoy - writing, yoga, painting, sifting through books at a bookstore, sip coffee or tea at a shop.
- Give yourself what you’re reaching out for another to give you - Love, caring, understanding.
- Honor the commitments you have to yourself. Do you want more exercise, more relaxation time, a vacation, get that office organized, regular time with family and friends? Do it.
Begin treating yourself how you want to be treated and you'll see Love expanding in your life. Don't settle for less than what you desire - "The One" is out there waiting for you!"You accept the love you believe you deserve."
Want to know what will knock your energy out of alignment with attracting the one?
Settling for less than you really desire and going on dates with just anyone to get out of the house or for a free drink or free meal. No judgment here – I’ve done it and learned from it!
You want to know how to prepare for "the one"? It is NOT going out with just anyone! Intention trumps action.
I’m all about exploring and seeing if there is chemistry but, if they have qualities on your “no way” list or you’re simply not feeling it then don’t waste your time or theirs!
How you behave and treat others is or will be mirrored back at you - in the dating process or in another area of your life (some call it Karma or law of attraction).
If you're spending your time and energy with someone you know isn't what you desire, you're sending the message to the Universe that this is 'good enough', aligns you with this energy, and prevents what is really meant for you to find its way to you.
I know being alone can feel terrible at times (physically and emotionally!), but it's in the times you spend alone where you can heal from your past and prepare yourself to become the person you want to be with!
If you’re finding it difficult to be alone with yourself, how can you expect to attract someone into that same space and energy?
Sabrina experienced a HUGE change in who she was attracting.
“Since connecting with you and putting your guidance into practical use I have taken on an entirely different approach to dating and it has yielded AMAZING results! Things are looking up. Each time the date gets better!”
Work on you. Become your own best company. Tap into your creative, playful side. Do the things you’ve wanted to do. A woman with a life outside her work creates a fire within and a life full of passion and excitement. When you’re full within, you have so much more to share with another. And that in itself is attractive to others.
"No one can deny you or grant you anything. It all comes to you by virtue of your vibration." ~ Abraham
Do you have internal blocks to love?
Are you focused so much on what you don’t want that it’s exactly what you’re attracting – what you don’t want? You’ve had your share of bad dates and bad relationships you don’t want to repeat those again, but somehow you’re in that cycle of attracting the same type or none at all! Expand Your Mind to Who Your Ideal Partner Is Maybe your list of must have’s is too inflexible. They can't have tattoos, their hair has to be dark, short/long, they need own a home, be a millionaire, must love cats, can’t be a vegetarian... What really matters to you?
Yes, of course you want to be physically attracted to each other, have chemistry, and have common interests, but could you be allowing the person who possesses the traits that really matter to you in a relationship to pass you by? Be really clear with yourself on what really matters and what you really want. I highly encourage you to be open to what it might look like - a lot of times the rigid list of qualities is your hearts way of keeping itself closed off and protected.
It really comes down to how you feel and what your heart tells you. Get out, mingle, and practice some flirting! Notice what you find attractive in strangers and acquaintances you cross paths with throughout your day. Then take a look at your list of 'must have's' and see if you could allow some of them to fall by the wayside knowing what you really desire may come in a package you least expected?
Are you ready?
Create a list of the 5 most important qualities that matter most to you. Need help? Look at what you don’t want and write the opposite. Continue to notice what you find attractive and desirable in a mate.
When you create that energy within you it becomes a magnet and attracts that similar vibration to you. Would you like to be part of the Love Mastermind group? Want to get uber clear about what you want and how you want to feel? We're doing just that and supporting you in clearing what is in your way to attracting LOVE! More information here. “Be the love you wish to attract.”
How do you feel when you see a happy couple? What goes through your mind and body when you see them holding hands, running errands together, sharing PDA, or doing the stuff together that you’re doing alone?
- get angry or jealous (or both)?
- make fun of them, mumble something to yourself or friend or unconsciously have a negative feeling about what you're observing?
- get a pit in your stomach; does your chest tighten up?
- feel sad to see happy couples when you’re single?
How your body feels and how you react to seeing something you want is a huge clue and indication of how you really feel about love and relationships.
If you have any of those reactions:
· you might be unconsciously holding onto past pains,
· have deeper fears of getting hurt,
· have a buried belief that you can’t have what they have
All causing your heart to be unknowingly closed down to love.
When I first introduced Fia-Lynn into my love coaching program she was obsessive about finding love, had pains from her past holding her back, and attracting men who were similar to her past relationships. She was ready to change what she was experiencing!
After going through my coaching program, she says:
"My Entire Life is in the Vibration of Love!" Before working with you and your program I felt a neediness around love and had a very hard time being alone. And I couldn't attract the type of guy that I really wanted to be with. Dating was a very frustrating and exhausting experience filled with a lot of disappointment. I no longer feel lonely and needy around love, I feel love ALL of the time, no matter who's around or even if I am alone. And I am amazed at who I've attracted into my life!” She is now living with her boyfriend / Twin Flame!
If you’re feeling this way, what can you do?
Have appreciation for the things you see and want, but don’t yet have. Your energetic vibration tells the Universe you like it and this is what I want!
Thoughts and feelings are energy- what you think about and how you feel aligns with similar energy and attracts that. The good news is if you’re seeing happy couples it means you're that much closer to it. But how you feel about it will indicate what is in your way to having it. Pay attention to your feelings and reactions, they are a HUGE clue to identifying what is in your way from having it for yourself.
If what you’re feeling is not in alignment with what you really want to feel and experience; create an inner shift. Act as if what you see is also yours.
It’s all about your inner energy!
You're successful, you work hard, take care of your home and maybe children and pets, you have networking to do, outside obligations, you're running a business with a team, you're on committees and in groups and do everything else that goes along with being in charge of your life. Yet, that you leave no time or space for a relationship.
Is there room in your life for Love? Ask yourself these 2 questions:
1. Why am I keeping myself so busy?
Are you avoiding the alone time? Are you afraid of what it might feel like if you had the time to yourself? If you're avoiding being with yourself do you really feel you'll make good company for someone else?
2. Do I really want to be in a relationship?
Seems like an obvious question. You have an online dating profile, you 'put yourself out there', and there is a part of you that wants a relationship. But, what time and attention are you putting toward having a relationship?
Just like all the other successes in your life, a relationship requires time, attention, and energy (at least, the ones worthwhile). If you can’t create time and space for in your life now, can you really expect to magically have that time and space in your life when a relationship comes along?
I know you’re probably saying, “I’ll make time when it comes”. It doesn’t work that way. You won't be given more than you can handle and if you're too busy with other things in your life, a relationship cannot makes its way in.
Are you ready to make a shift? Here's how:
Create space in your life, in your day, in your week, in your month. Mark free time in your calendar. Create non-working time. Let go of things you don’t love doing. Stop saying "yes" to things you don't really want to do. Get out and be social (not just networking events). Give your life some space; it creates a vacuum to attract what you want into the space you’ve created.
If having alone time is too uncomfortable for you, that is a good sign there is something underneath that needs healing and attention. A relationship is not the cure for loneliness or heartache, healing is the cure.
“You find peace not by rearranging the circumstances of your life, but by realizing who you are at the deepest level.” ~ Eckhart Tolle